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Going Home
Never Plan
Knuckles, Jul 12, 2007

See the only way I got to Cali was a fluke. I only wanted to go to Portland Oregon for a week then it was back to Spokane, WA. The way everything happens when you make a plan is that only one thing out of ten in your plan actually happens. Example: wake up, drink some coffee, watch a little news then leave to go to work. What really happens is you wake up, take a piss, walk to the kitchen, put coffee in the coffee maker, the phone rings, you answer it, talk for a half hour look at the clock, yell SHIT! Fuck shit fuck shit, run to the bathroom, look in the mirror, raise your hand to fix your hair, realize you got the phone still in your hand, cuss a few more times, then say you got to hang up, run to the bedroom, put on your clothes, run out the door, lock the door, hop in your car and go to work. See only two things happened in your plan� 2�Now you�re lucky you even woke up. At least that�s what happens to me. I can never plan n-e-thing. Whenever I make a plan a thousand other things happen instead. Example:
I�ve been planning to go to a program (drug rehab) for about 4 years now. I keep going to jail or end up using, then run from parole, then go to prison. I have loved ones that want me to go to the program and are about to give up cuz I keep saying I�ll go then on the way there I end up doing drugs and never make it. I had a girlfriend who has a job and goes to school but she gave up on me because in her eyes I gave up on succeeding in life. I guess when I get out of prison I feel pressured by everyone around me that I just give up and go back to what I know. Shootin� up, sellin� dope and chilling with my bro Fester some of you know him. My Bro is my life when I hang on the streets, I�m ALWAYS with my bro. But even the plan to hang out with my bro ends up not happening cuz we�ll end up doin some dope, then fight, split up and not see each other for about one or two days. I can�t ever make plans, no matter what.
I guess I can blame all this flakiness on my disorder (ADHD). Nothing normal comes my way and I mean NOTHING! I can�t just walk down the streets, I have to run, jump, hop, skip or something. I guess that�s why I do heroin, it really chills me out to the point of nothingness. I don�t have to make many plans if I�m all good out. Just one plan� CHILL�Then�Chill some more.
Well I guess what, I didn�t even plan to write about home, that�s how much of a flake I am. This story was supposed to be about how I got to Cali. But as you can see my plans never work out the way I want them to . So just like I tell people when they ask if I�m free this weekend I say �NEVER PLAN.�

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