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Street Hustles
The leprachaun Man
Trinity, Mar 22, 2007

Okay so I am sitting in the Castro, not now� Now I am on a damn computer but anyways then. I was sitting with my Girl and my pup and this strange looking man comes over too us. Bowler hat that was bright green probably from St. Patrick�s Day. Tattoos around his arms that made him look more like a leprechaun than the hat did. He was shorter than me. Which is saying something because I am pretty damn short myself. He starts going on about how he is having a bad day, And how upset and Angry he is. Well�being me I decided to respond and maybe just maybe something I would say would make this leprechaun man feel better. He staggered to the left and then back to the right. �I can�t believe he left me like that� he would say tripping over his words. Then throwing back another shot of whatever he was drinking. I stared blankly. This is too fucking amusing. He leaned down close to my puppy and my nerves started to tighten as he got closer. �That is a beautiful dog.� He mumbled as he started to fall forward. �Thanks.� I responded quickly. By now I just want this man to kick us down something or move on. �You two� now I am not going to� I do not want anything from you�� He staggered on through his sentence�� I just think you are really fun people, and I just want to have a little fun because I�m pist off and I�m having a bad night.� I sort of raised an eyebrow� okay so he�s not going to go away. �That is a beautiful dog.� He repeated. �Can I talk to you� one of you.� He pointed to my girlfriend with his body bent in half so he was eye level. �You are Evil.� He said. She smiled in content. He turned towards me and (HE?) said, �You are nice but you are fucking Twisted.� I grinned inside but just wanted to see where he was going with this so I kept a straight face. Again he said �Can I talk to you?� So I got up leaving my pup and my girl on the cold cement. I�ll be back and kissed my girl. �We aren�t going far he said�I just want you to know that you can� I have an apartment and I don�t want anything from you...� he mumbled on as I watched the people inside the bar �I am not a bad person and you guys look like fun and I�m having a bad night�� he kept repeating himself. I nodded in recognition and responded with a no. I wasn�t about to go back to this drunk leprechaun�s home. So I explained that as a female on the streets it�s a bit of a rule for me not to go home with people. (Especially crazy ass drunk leprechauns, but I left that part out) I started walking back to my girl and he followed me back. �Wow what a beautiful dog.� He repeated sounding like it was the first time he had ever seen him. �I need a drink.� he sighed� �Mee too�� I blurted out without thinking. He had me walk to Walgreen�s with him so he could get money out and kick me down something. Then we walked up to the liquor store. Got some JD and some Maker�s Marks whiskey and headed back to the spanging spot. He saw someone he knew at the bar and I had the bag of Alcohol so I just kept walking. We started spanging again and by now my girl was frustrated with the leprechaun man and I just wanted to jump him for all he had. The sixty bucks in his pocket would have been nice in my grubby little hands. I put back up the sign and started to relax, and as soon as I did the leprechaun man was back. He had forgotten about the whiskey and I guess he had taken a few more shots at the bar. So he was leaning on a meter trying to stand the fuck up. �I just� you are soooo nice� I have an apartment� and I know you don�t want to� but I am sad..� he said in a drunken voice. A Man with nothing but drunken pity� I shook my head again. We were not going to go. No matter how this leprechaun man pleaded. He begged me to put my sign away and not to spange anymore. I looked at him. � Look dude fucking we need money and this is how I�m going to fucking get it�� He retorted �I�ll give you twenty dollars if you put your sign away and hang out with me. I looked over at my girl and whispered for her to start packing our shit. �Alright twenty bucks.� He reached into his pocket and pulled out a couple twenties, a ten and two ones. He threw me down twelve. And stumbled back into a wall. I grabbed my dogs leash and my pack and began to head out. He just stared blankly not understanding what was going on. His drunken stumble leading him into people as he hooted and hollered at another man�s butt� Off into the distance I stopped and contemplated going back and trying to get more money off this Drunken Leprechaun. They say that you can�t find a leprechaun and taking gold from a leprechaun is impossible. But I guess this is not true if the leprechaun is drunk.

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