fester, Mar 30, 2006
I'm pretty sure this is what they call rock bottom. I feel as though I have reached the point in my addiction where I have had enough. My body is tired, my mind feels pushed to the limit, and my soul is just clinging by a tiny thread. I have had enough!
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Doing this every day has become a task I don't feel inclined to pursue anymore. Even though my habit is to a minimal, it takes too much out of me to even care.
The problem is, even when waking up sick then getting well, the moment I get well it seems alright once again. The moment I stick a needle in my arm I just wanna keep going. Unlike a normal person, one is never enough. I can't just take one drink, one shot of heroin, or one hit of crack. I have to have more, more, more!
This has been a problem with a lot of things in my life be it sex, food, or drugs. I suppose I just have a genetic disposition for addiction.
The first thing I can remember having a problem with was internet porn. As soon as my folks had internet access I was on the search engine looking up "xxx."
After having the internet taken away, I can remember having a problem with food. I would eat, and eat, and eat some more. This led to problems due to my poor self-esteem having become overweight.
This is when drugs became a part of my life. I used the drugs as a way to fit in since the drug using crowd seemed to not care about my weight. The only problem with this situation was that when the drugs were gone, so were the friends. Not that these friends were anything special in the first place, most of them would have made most parents start their children on home schooling.
It has been almost 7 years since I tried my first drug, 7 years too many! I never would have thought I'd be doing what I do today. Heroin. No other drug stands to the reputation of Heroin. Being strung out really ain't no fun. With that being said I still don't regret ever trying it though. I just wish it was easier to kick.
I don't know how much longer I'm going to be doing this, I'll either stop using or eventually I'll O.D. and die.
Going out like a rock star.
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