I am afraid of my addiction, and I don�t want to be a junkie forever. Damn that stupid Trainspotting movie, because that�s what started it all for me back when I was eighteen. I feel good about having a job now and I don�t want to screw it up, but I�m thinking I might have to quit so I can check into a rehab program. I keep asking myself why am I an addict? Is it just depression, self destruction, and self hate? If I think too hard the whole world gets me down.

I want the world to be a better place. I need to do my part and improve myself. I often feel like I don�t belong in this reality. I know there are good things about this world, but I feel like the bad outweighs the good. Our technology is killing our way of life. I do enjoy a lot of it, but deep down it feels wrong to me. I just saw the front page of a newspaper and it said that Bush wants to spend eight billion dollars on war. I don�t think any human should have that kind of power.

I wish he would spend the money on replanting the rainforest and switching gas cars to electric. I think that cement is wrong because it covers our mother earth. We are a part of this planet and it is a part of us. I want our civilization to fall, so we can renew the earth and start making life our first priority, not money and power. I miss the ways of old. I can only hope that the gods and goddesses of the universe are devising a plan to reawaken the inner spirits and souls of all of these clueless conformists who are blinded to the real truth.

Maybe an Ice Age is in order. It could freeze everything unnatural and bring our home back into balance. This is supposed to be a circle of life, not a chaos of machines and men playing god. I refuse to believe that we are so far gone that our existence cannot be improved and re-routed. I would rather have a huge forest than a city of destruction. I also know that all things are neither good nor bad. Why am I so persecuted for doing to myself what we are doing to our planet? Why do we think we own the planet? I just want to have piece of mind and to know that the earth will reclaim control of herself. Mother, Father, Gods and Goddesses please help. Give me direction.