When I became a father in June of 2002 it was the happiest time of my life, but was I ready for it? No, because I have to grow up and be the man that I need to be, not like most dads that just don�t care. Do I know how to be a dad? No, I don�t. It�s just something I have to learn as time goes by. I always wanted to have kids, but not at such an early age as I did. I wasn�t ready money-wise, but it�s just something I�m going to have to deal with as time goes on. I want people to know that I wouldn�t trade anything in the world for my little girl. I hope someday I will be able to find the right person and have at least one more child. Right now, if I could, I would give anything to have my daughter here with me, but I�m not able to take care of her at this time.

I don�t know what went wrong between my baby�s mama and me, I guess that it wasn�t meant for us to be together, or maybe she was not the one for me. Maybe someday we might get back together but I don�t think so. We had been together for six months when she told me she was pregnant. The next day after work I came home where we were living with her parents and all my things were packed up and laid outside in the snow. I don�t really know why she did that, but the day after that she came to my mother�s house asking me for a thousand dollars. I guess it�s all about money for her. I didn�t find out I�d had a daughter until the day after she was born. My baby Cara�s mother doesn�t want to let me see her, but even if me and my baby�s mother don�t get back together, that will never stop me from loving my little girl dearly, and even her sister Destiny too � she�s two years old and we did everything together until me and her mother broke up. I love her dearly like she was mine.

When I called home a few days ago I got to talk to my baby girl. Even if she is only ten months old she still knows what I was saying to her. She called me �Dada�, and that moment was probably the second happiest time of my life. I know that as time goes by she will make her daddy very happy. I don�t think that she will be like her mom � I hope she�ll be more level-headed than her mom is and that she�ll make me very proud of her.

When my daughter called me dad for the first time I cried for at least ten minutes. I know that I should go back home but there is so much here that I haven�t seen or done yet. I�m thinking, though, that if I don�t go back home it will be too late to see my little girl grow up. I�m also thinking that if I don�t leave San Francisco when I�m finished with all the crap that I need to do for the courts I will end up back in jail.

The only reason why I would go back home is to be in my little girl�s life and watch her grow up and give me hell. That�s my little girl and I can�t wait for that to happen. I know what it is like to grow up without a dad because that�s how I had to do it, and I know it�s not fun because there�s things that a child can�t talk to his mother about. I had to learn things on my own � not that my mom didn�t care, because she did. At least I had one of my parents there for me. I just don�t want my child to grow up the same way I did because I love my little girl so much it hurts. I feel bad that I came to San Francisco to visit my brother and my dad. Right now, this is something different � I know that being here makes it look like I don�t care about my child, but I do. I told my family back home that when all this court shit is done I�m coming back home. I told my little girl the same thing and if I have my way I will keep my word to her. That�s how much I love her.