I decided that it is really important for me to write a piece on the aesthetics of being both punk and pagan. Most people that I know who identify as either of these things very rarely cross over. I often feel trapped in the middle, and kind of on my own, but when I really peer deeply into my inner self and what my life is about, it makes complete, stunning sense. I believe I have been a witch since childhood. I grew up in the mountains of Northern Colorado, in an area where every house was separated by acres of land, mountain lions hung out in our yard (as well as deer, raccoons, squirrels, and a multitude of other beautiful beasties), there were real dirt roads, and the sounds and cycles of nature surrounded me. My childhood friends and I would rampage through the woods, making forts, hiding in bushes, eating grass and flowers, wrestling, and using the wilderness as our playground. We were so fucking lucky that you could only get shitty TV reception- it minimized the brain damage that happens at such a critical developmental age. Anyhoo, it was a very nurturing environment that gave me a deep love for nature. My friend Emma and I, friends from age four and on, shared this feeling. We are both Scorpios, and she was born five days before me on Halloween (or, as it was called in days of old, Samhain.) How lucky! I remember that there was this particular rock we used to go and sit by. It seemed special to us, and was at the edge of my parent�s property. We would sort of meditate, and leave offerings to a greater spirit we could not identify but felt all around us. It was my first ritual. Neither of our families were �religious�, though my dad was into studying UFOs and crop circles and her dad is becoming a shaman and speaks with plant spirits. Strange things started happening, and as I grew older, I took shamanism classes near Mt. Shasta and explored different spiritual paths. And, paganism is where I landed. It is eclectic, meaning a practitioner picks and chooses what works for them, weaving together deities, rituals, and traditions from different cultures. It is an ongoing learning experience that really connects me to the earth and to ancient tribal peoples, the hunter gatherers who I have so much love and respect for. It helps me reconnect to the earth that is becoming more and more abused, broken, and abandoned by modern people. That is how it weaves into punk rock.

I got involved with the punk movement, meaning not just music and shows, but writing, activism, friendships, anarchism, etc., as an angry young teenager. It was an outlet, a way to find and connect with others like me who saw the failure of the system, who were disgusted with what mainstream society tried to force-feed everyone. I was also very pissed at Christianity, as people were continually putting me down for not believing in their version of god. My passion for alternatives has grown ten fold, and I am still angry and love to thrash and rant and wheatpaste and dream crazy dreams, but at time have learned not to be so quick to judge based on labels. Most people in the punk scene reject spirituality for many reasons. I too think that the twisted modern Christian heaven/hell model of the universe is messed up. Religion traditionally has been one of the best forms of social control, the �opiate of the masses�, as Karl Marx pointed out. But, what happens when you have a spirituality, not religion, of liberation? One with no threats, no guidelines other than �as it harm none, do as thou wilt�? One that aligns you with a community of activist, free thinkers, dreamers, healers, visionaries, rebels, artists, etc? For me, I was home. For me, paganism is one of the only things that helped me stop destroying myself with all the tools of self-hatred society handed me. Believing that there are benevolent forces out there that want to help crush the dominant paradigm before it rips the world to shreds helps me feel empowered. It has taught me to know and love myself. It gives me hope. Sometimes, I go to a show and just get so amped, or I go to a protest or just end up walking through the financial district and get so pissed, distraught, and full of despair. The only thing to keep me from slitting my wrists or becoming a mad bomber is the cosmic energies around me, the gods and goddesses and essences of mother earth. So, that is how the ideas and lifestyles can be wound together, and how for me, they balance shit out in this crazy existence and are making something new emerge.