"There is freedom within, there is freedom without." Those lyrics, coined by some lame 80's pop band, actually make a lot of sense to me. Those words describe how I have recently come to think and feel about my freedom, or lack there of.

I believe that personal freedom exists in the same things that personal prisons exist in. There is a lot of freedom through drug use, like freedom from reality. But you can also be a slave to drug addiction. I think that how free you are depends on how free you perceive yourself to be.

Recently I was arrested here in San Francisco. At first I was enraged to have my freedom taken from me, (which in reality I took from myself). On top of this frustration, I was withdrawing from a hefty heroin habit, which of course was at the pinnacle of all my thoughts. That was the only thought I could think for the first 48 hours. Then reality set in. I was gonna be in jail for awhile.

Even though S.F. had released me on 18 month probation, I still had a warrant in L.A., and they were on their way to pick me up. Yep, I knew I was gonna be in jail for the entire kick, like it or not. When I finally accepted it, the pain subsided and I mellowed out. I realized that I had no choice but to deal with it, and from then on I did. To tell you the truth, it wasn't that bad. I was still physically sick, but not to the extremes that I have been on the street.

When you're out there, on the street or in rehab, the solution to your sickness is right out the door and down the block. In jail, the doors are blocked. So instead of hating life and freaking out or offing myself or something, I did my best to enjoy it. I began to look at my situation in a whole new light.

I mean, I got three meals a day, (even my vegetarian diet once I got to L.A.), cable TV, (which I rarely see out here on the street), a bed and all of the drawing and meditation time I could handle. And I never had to lift a finger. I could hang out with the guys and crack jokes or a game of spades or spend all day perfecting a work of art. (Of course I was in a more relaxed tank -- I pretended to be gay so I was separated, which helped a lot, not much macho, racist bull there.) I could kick back and read Shakespeare and not have to worry about all the time I was wasting not making money for dope. I had nothing but time.

After about a week in there, I had no need for dope. I was locked away from the world, but at the same time I was free from it, and from heroin. I had finally kicked. It felt really good. Now don't get me wrong, jail sucks. It's really boring and there are a lot of things I missed. Especially my soul mate, it's really hard to be away from someone you love deeply for a long time, but my point is that I chose to make the best of the situation, and when I got out I was healthy, clean, clear headed, even showered!

I was ready to come back into the world and enjoy all of the things that jails don't have -- a lot of which put me there in the first place. My message is, Free your mind, and the rest will follow!