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Drugs & Addictions
STRUGGLING THROUGH DRUG ADDICTIONS
Gail Goynes, roaddawgz.org, Jun 02, 2003

People are such hypocrites. I don�t know how many times someone has told me that they will never do something, and turn right around and end up doing it all of the time. I have met a lot of kids on the street who have told me that they would never shoot up, and that they hate needles. Now many of those people are doing just that. I don�t know if it�s because they said �never� that they end up getting sucked into it. I have done the same thing myself many a time. It seems that whatever you hate most or look down upon you become at some point in your life, so you can see things from their point of view. So be careful of what you hate. I think it�s one of God�s little jokes, telling us not to judge others. So I guess it�s best to just not hate anything, and to just have a general tolerance for things that you don�t like very much.

Right now I am struggling with another drug addiction that I am trying to beat. I am currently addicted to heroin, something that I used to despise. I ended up getting sucked into it just because I was in love with some stupid guy, who has been a junkie for almost ten years. This is a stupid reason to get strung out. I was infatuated with this guy, and I was always helping him pay for his drugs, because I didn�t want to see him dope sick. Eventually I decided to start doing the drugs with him, since I was always paying for them. This was very stupid on my part; I should not have ever given him even one cent to begin with.

Of course I barely talk to this guy anymore, after our four months of a mutually using relationship. But I am now hooked on this drug that mostly causes me pain and loneliness also taking almost all of my money, pushing me into debt. I owe a lot of people money, even my dope dealer. Now I fancy a different man, he does not dance with the devil on my side of the fence (do heroin). But he has started to develop an addiction to Methamphetamines. I wish he had never started sticking needles in his arms. I feel partly responsible, as an experienced role model of sorts. He used to just sniff the stuff, but now he slams it. I told him that I wasted two years of my life to that drug, doing it that way.

Meth is very mentally addictive. This is something that he wanted to try, and will have to conquer on his own. Just as I need to fight my addiction. I know that I got myself into this problem, and I feel that I will have to pull myself out on my own as well. No one can tell me when to quit, or how, I have to be ready, and tuff through it on my own. I think I am ready. It has become more than I can afford, I don�t have any money, and it is very stressful trying to scramble up about twenty to thirty dollars a day from scratch. I would rather spend my money on other things.

I have been lucky enough to be given a place to live, and I don�t want to screw it up. The people I live with know I use, they smoke crack, so they have no room to criticize what I do, but I think I am ready to give it up. I think I will need some support from friends, and most importantly something to occupy my time with. That is the main thing that would get me back into drugs, is boredom. It is one of the main things I spend my time on now, figuring out how to get them, and then doing them. So I hope my time will be well spent elsewhere. Do yourself a favor and don�t get yourself into anything that is so much more difficult to get out of.

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User comments

Sphinx   Jun 04, 2003 22:25:36  
It's frigging awesome I found this site, Gail. Your picture as well! If you wanna hang out and not shoot dope sometime (see a show, do art, bullshit, hang out and be crazy, or whatever) lemme know and I'm there. I know about the struggle you are going through, and you're right- you can't just not do it on your own once you're stuck in a cycle. So, I reach my hand out and maybe you'll grab on. If not, that's kewl too. It's surprising how much amazing stuff there is too occupy time if you just slow down and look. Drop me a line sometime, at least.

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