I am currently on the streets because of a few bad choices I have made in my life recently, mainly due to heroin. It�s not that I don�t have a place to live; it�s I don�t have a place to live while I�m strung out on junk. A few weeks ago I decided that at the time heroin appeared more important to me than my family, so I made the choice to come down to city where the dope was plentiful and cheap. I realize now what a big mistake that was, giving up a stable life with my girlfriend and daughter. It�s not that I love them less then I love the drug, it just seems that dope has an unreal hold over the decisions that I make in my everyday life.

I met my girlfriend at a point in my life when everything seemed to be clicking for me; I was clean and away from the pressure of everyday life on Grateful Dead lot. We decided to move to Vermont and start a family. At first money was a little tight so we started to grow herb and the money started to flow, enter heroin again. I had plenty of money so I didn�t think that it could turn into that big of a problem, since I had the cash to feed my addiction. I soon found out that cash wasn�t the issue, the problem was that my girlfriend was dead against it and did not want it around her daughter. Naturally, that started a lot of fights, and the more fights my using caused the more I used. I eventually woke up, realized what I was doing to my family, and got help. I managed to stay clean for three years - that was around the time we came back to the West coast and a lot of the people I was around were starting to get into it again. So like an idiot I let myself fall prey to it once again and I don�t know why.

I see the hell that heroin addiction puts everyone through on a daily basis - after awhile you strive to stay well; you don�t even look for the high any longer. My struggle with Heroin began when I was 17 and left home to follow the Grateful Dead. At first it was something I swore I would never touch. That was until I started getting so spun out on acid that I couldn�t deal with everyday reality so I figured it wouldn�t hurt if all I did was smoke it every now and then, but every now and than became every day and that eventually led to the needle, which I think has the biggest hold on me. I love to see the heroin and the blood as they rush together.

I have decided to go back to Oregon and get my shit together, since my girlfriend told me, eight days ago, that this is my last chance and I have two weeks to decide what is more important to me, the drugs or them, after which I shouldn�t bother trying to go back. I�ve now been clean for the past six days. This isn�t my first attempt at getting clean, but hopefully it will be my last. I can�t see going through this my whole life, I watch so many people destroy their lives and the lives of people that love them and for what a cheap and dirty high.