Sometimes people have the weirdest fetishes. A few weeks ago, I was on Polk Street and I was propositioned by an old man who has to be about 60 years old. I had met him previously having had only talked to him briefly. His frankness caught me off guard seeing that as being fairly normal considering the strangeness of his request, urination.

To the naked eye this man would appear just as any normal senior citizen would, you might even mistake him as being your grandfather.

Now, on any normal night on the stroll you might get requests for some slightly off the wall sexual acts but not normally this strange.

The old man, an aging hippie of sorts, still driving his VW Bug straight out of the mid 70's, takes me and a friend to his house not far off Polk. On the outside the home looks like any other home until you open the door. The walls are lined with multi-colored Christmas lights keeping sort of a psychedelic presence. It is obvious that this old man is stuck in the sixties.

As we moved further into his home I noticed 3 big water jugs, a glass plate, some gatorade, and a box of nutter butter cookies. The old man told my friend and myself to indulge ourselves on the junk food he had provided while he ventured off into another room not specifying what he was doing.

When he came out he informed my friend and myself that we were about to begin. Naturally the first thing I did was drop my pants to expose my nether-regions, seeing as to how unbashful I was this sort of surprised my friend, although he did follow suit rather uncomfortably.

The old man had told us that he wanted to "worship our masculinity" to which he started grunting like a pig. He then lifted up his shirt and guided our hands to his nipples directing us to twist them and twist them hard.

At this point I was kinda getting a kick out of this situation, seeing as to how ridiculous this was. I couldn't help but chuckle and neither could my friend. At about this time the old man got up and got the empty water jugs and placed them in front of us. "Pee" said the old man, "I want to be your little piss puppy dog" this was all grunted seeing as to how he was trying to give his best pig imitation. I urinated in the bottle and the old man started oinking like a pig.

At this point he got up, went to a shelf, and pulled down car jumper cable clamps and informed us we were to attach these to his nipples. After which we began twisting them back and forth as he grunted like a pig even more frantically. This went on for about 6 or 7 minutes at which time the old man got up and brought the glass plate over to me and told me he would pay me $10 extra if I could leave a turd on the plate so that he could kiss it.

The turd part was a little over the top for me but the rest was a piece of cake.

The old man finally told us we could go and he handed us our money. I shook his hand and told him I'd hope to see him soon. So we walked out of his home onto the street and made our way through the Tenderloin on a crack mission, which by the way turned out to be a success.

I hope I run into that old man again, his company is rather pleasant, and peeing in a bottle for $20 ain't all that bad anyway.